Number One Rule
by Heaven's Dusk
Summary: Hetalia Academy was like a jungle, and in order to survive, you needed to follow the rules. The most important rule was a simple one: Under no circumstances were you to ever piss off Matthew Williams. Gilbert Beilschmidt is the new boy in school, and he wants to know just what has happened to him to make him the most feared boy in school. (Prussia/partially snapped!Canada)


**Hetalia International Academy for the Extraordinarily Gifted**

**Book of Survival version 1.0**

**Written by: Eduard von Bock, class of 2009, Student Body President**

_Hey there. If you're reading this, then you're either a tiny freshman, or a new kid. Either way, you're the fresh meat of the school, and you need to learn how to survive in the jungle that is __**Hetalia International Academy for the Extraordinarily Gifted**__._

_The first thing you need to know is that we may seem amazing and rich and popular on the outside, but we are really just like any other school, except the students and staff are a bit… eccentric._

_I know what you're thinking: "Well, they are the 'extraordinarily gifted.' Of course they'd be a bit eccentric." That's not quite what I meant. Even though there are new students, they get dragged into the mess that the older students make, and eventually lose themselves to the craziness that is our academy. As for the teachers, well, they're weird as well. I have some rules for you to follow. They are vital to your health and, not so much sanity, but survival._

_I ask that you stick with all these rules to the very end, for they will help you. Should you not, there is a very high chance that you might die._

_**Rule #1:**__ Our headmaster, Romulus Vargas, may look young and 20-something years old, but he's really an old man and quite powerful despite his carefree personality. He also has a bad habit of disappearing randomly for days on end, and causing a majority of the trouble within Hetalia Academy. Don't underestimate him, and don't imply that he is an old man. Just continue on with believing he is young, and don't question his whereabouts when he disappears. He gets strangely protective when someone asks, so don't bother._

_**Rule #2:**__ Elizabeta Hèdèvary, one of the English teachers, is to be avoided outside of class. If you see her outside of the classrooms with a camera and she seems to be stalking someone (she usually wears a green or red and black dress and has a pink flower pin in her hair. She is usually seen holding a camera if she is outside of her class), do not approach her and run away as fast as you can. She is a good teacher and a nice person overall, but she has some bad habits of thinking about… stuff concerning the students a bit too often. Do not pry. (For more information, go to the anime club room after school in Room 213 and ask for Ms. Hèdèvary)_

_**Rule #3:**__ If you see people physically fighting, immediately hide and find shelter somewhere far, far away from where the fight is occurring. Fights in our school usually results in hospitalization and destroyed rooms. We have lost way too much money due to some of our more rowdy students and it is quite annoying. It does not help that Headmaster Vargas is usually there cheering on whoever he likes more. (IMPORTANT NOTICE: Telling a teacher will not help in any way. They will usually either join the headmaster in cheering, or they will join the fight)_

_**Rule #4:**__ If you leave your dorm rooms for any reason after midnight, please ignore any and all sounds you hear coming from the headmaster's office. Also ignore any scattered clothes, random piano playing, or the occasional screams from the eighth floor. You know nothing, you saw nothing, and that is not a wild lion growling at you from the cage behind the curtains in the drama room. Now move along._

_**Rule #5:**__ Do not mess with the librarian named Ivan Braginsky. He is a very scary man that is quite protective of his books. He may look young, but he has a majority of the school under his thumb and can crush you like a twig. Furthermore, do not upset his elder sister, Katyusha, who is also a librarian, and steer clear of his younger sister, Natalya, who will try to kill you if you upset him._

_**Rule #6:**__ The clubs are all insane, so be very cautious. The list of clubs and their descriptions are as followed:_

_Anime Club – a club full of mostly girls and the occasional guy. They are all obsessed with anime/manga and, usually, yaoi and yuri. Do not attempt to ask them what those two are, as you will be subjected to a very detailed and quite disturbing explanations of just what it is that they are obsessed with. Should you insult what they love, they will mostly just agree with you, but do not misunderstand. They still very well love anime. However, if you somehow manage to anger them, RUN. They meet in Room 213 after school every Tuesday. Advisor: Elizabeta Hèdèvary_

_Mythology Club – a club run by people that are fascinated by the idea of ancient mythology. They do assignments and go on the occasional trip. They are one of the more mellow clubs, so you do not have to worry about angering them. If you do, be ready for the suggestions of random torture methods from the times in which they are interested in. They meet every Thursday after school in Room 354. Advisor: Akila Karpusi_

_(NOTE: THE LIST GOES ON FOR ABOUT AN ENTIRE PAGE DESCRIBING THE DIFFERENT CLUBS)_

_Be warned of their habits, and they might very well attack you should you say anything that they dislike. For example, should you call any of the members of the anime club "otakus," they will hunt you down and kill you. Members of the Doctor Who Club absolutely refuse to be called "dweeks." Proceed with caution._

_(AS THE LIST OF CLUBS DID, THE RULES CONTINUE ON FOR SEVERAL PAGES)_

_By this time, you are probably tired of reading all these rules, but as I stated at the very beginning of this book, you need to read all this to ensure your survival in this crazy zoo called __**Hetalia International Academy for the Extraordinarily Gifted.**__ This one is absolutely crucial, so pay attention._

_**Rule #100:**_ _This school is accepting of anyone and everyone regardless of interests, hobbies, sexuality, gender, race, etc. The only thing we do _not_ accept is bigotry and prejudice. If you are ridiculing another student for who they are, whether they are Muslim, asexual, bigender, into reading, or anything else, then you will be severely punished until you understand that, in the end, we are all human. We have had problems with this in the past, and we do not accept bullying in any form whatsoever._

_There you have it. These are all the rules you will need in order to survive in our school. I truly hope you heed them, for you might just be able to graduate it if you do. The students who have graduated end up being able to do great things, and we hope that you will be one of those students._

_Thank you for reading. Have fun for the rest of your time here._

* * *

_**Hetalia International Academy for the Extraordinarily Gifted**_

_**Book of Survival version 2.0**_

_***Revised as of 2011**_

_**Written &amp; edited by: Arthur Kirkland, class of 2014, Student Body Council**_

_Since the two years that this __**Book of Survival**__ was created, there have been massive changes done to the school. While most things remain the same, there have been many changes regarding teachers and students. This will not take long, for it is only a page that I will write for you newbies._

_**Rule #101:**__ Elizabeta Hèdèvary has taken on the name Elizabeta Edelstein. Her husband, Roderich Edelstein, is the music teacher. She has taken to hitting anyone who insults him with a frying pan, so be very cautious the next time you want to say something to Mr. Edelstein._

_**Rule #102:**__ Antonio Fernandez Carriedo and Francis Bonnefoy are two of the most popular boys in school, but they are also very annoying. If you find that they are bothering you, please tell them outright and simply evacuate the area. They tend to be very interested in new students, to the point of invading the personal space of you fresh meat students. __(Don't listen to Iggy! He just hates the Bad Touch Duo!)__ Please ignore that, for my colleague is very annoying._

_**Rule #103:**__ Lovino Vargas, Feliciano Vargas, and Marcello Vargas are quite popular as well. Do not insult them in any way, for you will find yourself being attacked by the headmaster, who is their overprotective grandfather. Also, if you wish to get close to any of them, be very careful, for you will end up interrogated by the other family members and almost tortured. Furthermore, they know how to make you disappear should you do anything._

_**Rule #104:**__ Recently, pets have been allowed inside the school. Do not make a fuss over Heracles Karpusi's army of cats, nor should you be wary of that polar bear cub eating the pancakes in the cafeteria. These are all perfectly normal, and they are trained not to give students too many injuries. Do not be alarmed, and simply ignore it. You shall get used to it._

_There is one final rule that you must follow until the class of 2014 graduates, and then this book shall be rewritten. This is the most vital rule. If you value your life, you will follow this rule._

_**Rule #105:**__ Do not, under any circumstances, __**EVER**__, anger the angelic-looking blonde boy by the name of Matthew Williams._

_Thank you for continuing on with reading the __**Hetalia International Academy for the Extraordinarily Gifted: Book of Survival v. 2.0.**__ Enjoy the rest of your time at our school, newbie, and good luck. You'll need it._


End file.
